Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I hate that you still matter......

Its those little artifacts of past interactions, past relationships, that you think should be gone by now..... but they just keep god damn hangin around!!! I mean, WTF...... when is that place not gonna be "that spot we used to go" anymore? When will the silly terms like "bed water" or "space phone" be flushed from my memory? When are they going to stop being cute and funny? Or, hell..... at least stop reminding me of the place I first heard them!? That'd be nice!

It doesn't seem to be related to the length of the relationship either. I've been in some long term relationships that seem as though they've left no mark, while other short term quick ones seem like they've stuck with me a lot longer. I guess maybe this blog post is a little premature, I need to do some more thinking about it, maybe talk it out more with some friends too. I just find it so odd, and to be really honest, so annoying that I can't seem to exorcise these little demons from my head.

Life has changed a lot for me in the past few weeks. Got involved in the business deal of a lifetime, made some great new friends, got back to taking care of myself.... both physically and mentally. I'm in a great place. I had lost sight for a while of the things that I really valued and what I actually needed to sustain my own levels of personally success and happiness.

The end of 2011 were some of the most stressful, crazy times of my adult life, personally and professionally and I def lost my grip a little. I knew going into it they might be hard and I consciously chose to step a little closer to the edge then I'm comfortable with knowing that the outcome could really benefit me greatly in the future. I hate to admit to being the pompous, arrogant, insanely ambitious, overconfident, and at times ego-maniacal prick that I am sometimes..... but it worked, and in the end, I'm so glad I did it.

So, here I am on at the footsteps of a path that only leads up from here, looking forward to a very positive future and a whole new life on a level I never thought I'd actually reach. However, if I'm starting a whole new life, why the hell does head insist on keeping you around........

I hate that you still matter.

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