Monday, September 27, 2010


What is it exactly about the DC Metro area that leads to pretty much of a total lack of intelligence, general slowing of the reflexes and a nearly complete loss of spacial relations and basic motor skills while driving an automobile?! I've decided I'm going to just vent on a regular basis and keep a list of totally ridiculous things shitty drivers in the area do that pisses me off!

1) Stopping at a green light while waiting to make a left turn..... PULL FARTHER UP INTO THE INTERSECTION ASSHOLE!!!!! Give me a god damn fighting chance of making the light!

2) Signaling to turn 3 feet before making a turn! Way to give me some notice fuck-o, how about I come up there a wave to you 2 seconds before punching you in the teeth?!

3) Smart cars

4) Staying in the center lane.... no matter how many other lanes there are. You could be on a highway with 47 lanes both directions in Virgina, and 98.462% of the assholes on the road are all bunched up in the center.... you know, except for the 2 cars in all 46 of the other lanes making it impossible to pass ANYONE!

5) And speaking of passing.... you know, the left lane.... the one on the total opposite side of the road from the right.... ITS CALLED THE PASSING LANE FOR A REASON!!!! If you're not **PASSING** anyone... MOVE OVER!!!!!!

6) Hybrids

7) Campaign stickers nearly 3 administrations AFTER they didn't get elected! Hey asshole, take the sticker off your car, buy a new car, or pick a new fucking set off assholes to support.... but do me a favor, keep your opinions to yourself, I don't need your advice, you obviously pick losers!

8) People who can't merge.... its not called a "pausing lane" nor is it referred to as the "I almost got on ramp" sooooooooo why the fuck are you stopped at the end of it just watching cars fly by like stray dog lost at the end of a runway watching planes take off! Grow some balls, pull up your pants, take the pacifier out of your face and pull the fuck out onto the highway!!

Some people actually drive because they have places to go.... and sure sure, "its the journey, not the destination" and "the ride IS the fun part" yeah yeah yeah, I get it.... I'm a huge road-trip fan.... but I don't get fucking paid to drive to work, I get fucking paid to be there moron.... obviously you don't grasp this concept cause you're still driving the Honda Civic your parents paid for half of when you were 17!
Fuck your Prius, fuck your kids middle school honor roll, fuck the bobble head in your back window, fuck your coexist sticker, fuck your license plate frame with a stupid saying on it, and you know what... fuck you too! Buy a metro ticket and stay off the fuckin road!

(If you've got any great DC idiot driver complaints... you can leave them in the comments section, or send them over to me at and I'll be happy to add them to the list!)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Love vs. The Road to Nowhere

Have you ever followed friends over to somebodies house and left before they did? Next thing you know you're driving in circles for 2 hours running into dead end roads, cul-de-sacs, and on way streets that seem to start from nowhere.

Is love really any different?

Well, maybe..... with love and relationships, your GPS, your On-Star and your smart phone are all utterly fucking useless.... there aren't even any printed maps.

Maybe somebody Google will get there shit together so "Where's my soul-mate?" gives something a little more useful then the nonsensical drivel that it does now! Google THIS!

Sorry for the minor melancholy moment there..... I'm headed out for another Saturday night quest in the futile pursuit for true love.... who's up for a beer or 9?