Thursday, August 26, 2010

I want my F'cking allowance back!

This little rant is probably a result of my stress level, maybe increased frustration from silly drama...... or it could be my intense hatred of being nothing more then a corporate sellout feeding the machine!

Truth is: I totally love my job. I've been a nerd at heart for as long as I can remember and always dreamed of having the job I have now.... granted when I got here, I realized there's even farther I can go. So I've since moved my goals forward to the next step in line and I think there's a pretty good chance that when I get there.... I'll push it one more step forward!

Side note: (and totally cheesy) I saw a poster on a wall of a vendors warehouse when I was on a tour in Chicago for work a few weeks ago... it said "The truly successful are never satisfied" I *love* it..... ok haters, liberals and crunchies... tear me a new one for that, I dare you!

Back on topic though, workin for The Man..... I remember a long time ago I said I'd rather do something i love, and something I really enjoy then work a job I hate all on a quest for money and status. To quote the great Bob Dylan: "Oh, the times they are a changin!" I've started to see things I want, good, bad, materialistic and otherwise.....  I love cars, beer, vacations and motorcycles.... I want to be able to give my wife (who doesn't exist yet) the opportunity to stay home for as long as she wants when we have kids (or work, and I'll stay home, I might LOVE that!).... I want to be able to pay for college if my kids want to go, I want to enjoy my retirement if I ever get there.... and all of it is a LOT easier with MONEY!

Here's the thing though, its so simple to get there... all it takes is hard work. There's only one problem with that though.... I DON'T WANNA!!!!!

I don't wanna have to listen to other people or play by their rules. I don't wanna pay taxes, I don't wanna have to come in on time either! I don't wanna deal with office politics, obnoxious rumors or have to deal with other peoples personal problems!

In truth, I really miss the times where fun was just all there was. Really laugh, really have no bills, no worries, no rent, no car payments, no mortgage. Like we did when we were kids..... but I love my cars, my trips, my toys and everything else the hard work gets me.... there are time I wish I could just have my fucking allowance back! A few grand a month, you know, just for being around..... that would be one hell of a world huh?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Missed connections?

I'm still not sure how it works.... this whole friendship, love, relationships deal.

I guess what I'm wondering about these days is how a potential "connection" can be so wildly different for two people in the same situation. After working on following my New Years resolution to make on average one new friend a day, I've been led in so many different directions its hard to really understand whats going on.

I decided that maybe just "a new person" wasn't all that would count..... for YEARS I've been known as, well... a bit of a talker.... and yeah, I still am! I just downright can't shut up sometimes! I thought that in addition to meeting totally new people, I could spend some time with acquaintances, drinking buddies, even friends I just haven't really caught up with in a while. Ask them some more questions, let them lead the conversations, and do as much listening, understanding and thinking (in silence) as possible.

At almost 8 and half months into the year I've found 3 things:

1) Meeting new people isn't nearly as hard as you think it is!
2) Once given the chance to speak, you'd be AMAZED how much some people really have to say.
3) Peoples views of the world around them, the same one you're in, can be so incredibly different that it never ceases to amaze me.

Another lesson I seem to be learning over and over again, from both sides of the disaster, is this phenomenon I keep referring to as "missed connections". Not like the one's on Craig's List where you see the beautiful girl from across the street and don't have the balls to go say hi, or the girl of your dreams suddenly appears on the opposite metro platform and, like a scene in a movie, is gone by the time you can run over there.

This is much more of a timing and perception issue. Maybe its because of how simply amazed I am at human nature combined with my picky-ness and total lack of a normal span of attention. (Whoever said everyone grows out of ADD either never really had, or is just crazy!) I've spent a ton of time socializing and working to foster some of these relationships into better friendships with more understanding, more emotion and most importantly more trust. You'd be amazed how attractive it is to just find someone that can speak without interruption and hold my attention for hours at a time. Its rare, refreshing and wonderfully motivating.

Am I kidding myself? Maybe I'm just masking my embarrassment in admitting that I'm 31 years old, single, building a career, life, and future all the while wondering when "that girl" is finally going to show up. I've caught myself really developing serious interest in someone I set out to merely add to my life as a new face, a new story and hopefully after some hours of conversations, drinks and good times.... add some new life lessons and some new great stories along with it.

Here, is where it starts to get dangerous. I've found it VERY hard to distinguish between my quest to be a better friend and my never ending parallel quest for the ideal relationship. The question I have left unanswered at this point is: What's so different? What makes a "relationship" so different from a "friendship"? Is it love, faith, physical attraction, comfort, lust, loyalty or respect? Is it that one of those emotions exist in one and not in the other? or is just the level of all of them combined is more in a relationship then a friendship?

If meeting people is easy, finding new friends is too. Its falling in love that seems to be so damn hard. Will I continue to fall for the wrong person at the wrong time?

Hell, if it happens to me, is it happening to them too? Are they *MY* missed connections, or *OUR* missed connections?